Nicholas is wonderful! (Compliments of Nicholas)

I came back. I surprised everyone(mainly myself). I don't know if this means that I am that much weaker or if I was feeling miserable for a reason. So many events have unfolded themselves over the past five days. Healing is well on it's way, but I sit here writing and confused beyond my years.

One soul. There is one soul that cannot be forgotten. I don't mean forgotten completely because I forget noone. No. No, I simply have wished to forget my love for this person. I simply wish to embark upon my own adventures without remembering how it was, how it is, or how it could be. Or do I really wish to forget? If I simply don't think, will he vanish from my heart? No. He will not.

So here I sit, in the blessed years of my youth, pondering what my future may hold. Life is full of doors. God opens some and closes others, but still you must choose. It is like the novel, "The Notebook". Two young lovers find each other over summer vacation. They spend every waking moment together before they are separated. The girl is later set with the decision of whether she should choose to marry a rich and handsome man of noble blood or her poor and charming first love who offers true happiness.

Every bit of my head tells me no, but every piece of my heart tells me yes. Four years. Four years I have seen him come and go from my life, but it is not ten years. Shall I wait until is be just that? I have done nothing to make more of what is or what has been. So I wait.

I can't be here anymore. I'm sick to my stomache every single day. Monster, you said that you envied me. I'm not ready for the city. I don't know if I ever will be. It's not a place to live. I'm so unhappy. I force myself to smile. It's not supposed to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. I want to come home now.

Write about a challenge you have faced. It may have involved a sport, an illness, an accident, or a dare.

Brainstorming...
Thinking. Thinking. What did I do with that thought??? Come on! Get it together! I don’t play sports. Challenge? Not physical. It’d have to be emotional of course. Or spiritual for that matter. Could I write about what happened? To those people? Mere sympathy call. What then? What? This distance is tearing my beautiful relationship to pieces. Should I write about that? They’d get a lot of heart and all truth. Yes. An accident has occurred and now it has left me faced with challenges. His “accident” has taken it’s course upon my life. Now new challenges are faced. Cause and effect. Everything effects everything.

An Essay of Penitence
She stirs. He quickly pulls away. It was an “accident”. He didn’t mean to do it and now he couldn’t stop himself. Again she stirs. This time she knows. She knows she isn’t having a nightmare. He’s there. She’s there. Her eyes open. So quick. The sheets fall almost as if they were hanging on a clothesline in the middle of a breezy day. His mistake. Her challenge. Their world. One “accident” can take a lifetime to get over.

Consequently, this terrible event occurred in the beginning of January. What a way to begin a fresh bright year. He’s sorry. He’s sorry because he got caught. She’s hurt. Her entire life she always thought she knew what was important, but here her thoughts are altered. New pain is felt. Life goes on.

Presently, friendships shake, words are thrown, and family is no more. For “family” is not made to reject. Family is made is to love. So now she waits for her pain to cease. She waits for her spirit to brighten and her smile to soften the hearts around her. The glass is no more full then it is empty. She simply observes the contents from the outside.

With remorse, he pleads for forgiveness. She is not one to give it. The world sees and they speak. His lover stands his ground. He stills has something. His “accident” didn’t ruin his life. Just hers. Just hers.

With great reflection, the glass is just waiting for “fresh ice”. She knows that this too shall pass. Smiles will come again and friendships are bound to await her in such a new place. For he may have altered her life, but she lives it. She remembers, but she lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmLhyPjHVes

(I little song that I wrote about a year ago)
And I lift my hands and praise in your name,
I praise in your name,
I know you,
Are the great I AM,
You were crucified,
And then you died,
For the sins of man,
It was said,
In Psalm 22,
You'd be crucified,
And then you died,
And the phrophecy came true.